I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
