Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What a dumb baby whore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize