Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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