Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
