I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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