Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's blow job season.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
