Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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