Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize