I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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