its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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