me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
