somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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