he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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