Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
