If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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