So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
