I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
