but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize