I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
