I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
