You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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