If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Boobs speak an international language.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
