You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
