Umm I'm too high to move.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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