i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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