I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
