Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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