after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
