Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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