His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
