you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
