plz talk dirty to me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
