just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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