Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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