My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
