she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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