Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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