that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
