why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
