Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
