walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
