I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
