Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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