you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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