i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
