a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
