Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
