i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have tasted many bathrooms
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
