I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
