I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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