You can't special order awesome
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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