White coat. Heels.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
