i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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