i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
