He kissed a someone with a penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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