3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
