I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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