why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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