just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
