I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
