We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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