When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
