You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish they made helmets for livers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
