Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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