Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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