I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
