im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
